UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES
When my kids are not sure what they want to eat, I help by asking a few questions:
hot or cold?
salty or sweet?
smooth or crunchy?
heavy or light?
liquid or solid?
This process is rubbing off on me, and pushing me to refocus on what I want to eat.
What I want is sausage.
I am not, and have never been, much of a carnivore. I would call myself a vegetarian except that I eat seafood. So, I have been a pescatarian for about five years. Along the way I have also omitted dairy and gluten because I feel better without them, and have occasionally moonlighted as a vegan. As my closest childhood friend observed, Your children come by their picky eating honestly. Indeed.
Having now practiced self-demand eating for close to 25 years, in my experience refining it never really ends. As my body ages and changes, what I want to eat changes. The hardest part for me is getting my mind, with all its love of rules and predictable behavior, on board.
Considering eating meat sends my brain into a tailspin. Much like I explained to my kids that Frosted Flakes have not suddenly become good for you, I know that factory meat farming has not suddenly become more ethical. I do not know how to reconcile my values with my hunger. Cravings, like choosing a paint color for your canvas or a yoga pose for your sore muscles, are not governed exclusively by the mind.
In the end, I listened to my body. Over the course of a month I tried a couple of hamburgers, some bbq chicken, and a few pieces of sausage. What I learned, all over again, is that I do not enjoy meat very often. Most days I would absolutely choose a kale salad with toasted walnuts and warm brown rice. But every once in awhile, I do enjoy a juicy medium-rare burger with ketchup, mustard and pickles, or a link of extra-spicy artisanal chorizo with caramelized onions and green peppers.
While my brain is not thrilled with this change, I am willing to loosen the apron strings in my head to make room for my body’s reasonable requests. Taking it public is a separate puzzle.
The fun part is admitting to the committed carnivores that I eat a bit of meat now. They often get this smug, victorious smile and say, I knew it would happen! As if vegetarians form a more virtuous rival team, and now I am just another fallen angel. Things like dinner parties are more complicated. For now, I choose to tell people that I am vegetarian as I would still rather eat a salad when what I really want is a burger, than be asked to eat a burger when what I really want is a salad.
For me, socializing self-demand eating can be almost as challenging as discovering what I want to eat. I notice that this is increasingly a hurdle for my kids as well. As we head into summer vacation and staying with family and friends, I am predicting more hurdles, and perhaps even more unintended consequences.