If you are going to read any research on the effect of parent infidelity on kids, read this one. It is the first to explore the intergenerational effects of infidelity, and clearly indicates that children who grow up with cheating parents are twice as likely to cheat in their own relationships, even if they believe that infidelity is wrong. 

Note: Child refers to an offspring of any age. Many children discover parent infidelity as adults.

WHICH QUESTIONS DID THEY ASK?

1. IF having parents who cheat means that their child will cheat in their own relationships

2. IF having parents who cheat means that their child will have difficulty trusting people and/or believing that they fail at relationships

3. IF children of infidelity will be more accepting of infidelity in their own relationships

WHO DID THEY ASK?

• study 1: 267 undergraduates, 76% female, 76% white, M age 23

• study 2: 269 undergraduates, 70% female, 70% white, M age 23

• study 3: 718 people from 2 universities and MTurk on Amazon, 61% female, 76% white, M age 27

WHERE WAS THE STUDY CONDUCTED?

A University in the Western United States

WHEN?

Published in 2017

WHY?

This study seeks to describe the way that infidelity is communicated intergenerationally. Despite lots of infidelity behavior, there is very little research about how infidelity is linked generationally.

WHAT WAS LEARNED?

1. Children of infidelity are two times more likely to cheat than those with no knowledge of parent infidelity.

2. This is true regardless of how much the child trusts their partner AND regardless of how good the child believes that they are at relationships. 

3. This is true even if the child believes that infidelity is wrong. 

4. Parent infidelity sends memorable messages to kids about the acceptability of infidelity. Additionally, and equally important, are the messages that kids learn about family communication when the family is in conflict (such as when an affair comes to light). These are internalized and used to form the kids’ belief system about relationships even if they are not conscious of them. 

THE TAKEAWAY IN ONE(ISH) SENTENCE…

IF YOU ARE A THERAPIST, TEACHER OR HELPER: It is statistically likely that if you are working with a couple struggling with infidelity, that one or both grew up with cheating parents. What were the messages (verbal or otherwise) that they received about relationships, specifically around infidelity?

IF YOU ARE A PARENT INVOLVED WITH INFIDELITY: How you act around your partner is as important as what you say to your children about relationships. What kind of relationship do you want your children to have?

IF YOU ARE AN ADULT WHO GREW UP WITH CHEATING PARENTS: Recognize that you may be working with your parents’ patterns and beliefs, not your own. Read this post for more information.

Reference

DANA A. WEISER AND DANIEL J. WEIGEL (2017). Exploring intergenerational patterns of infidelity. Personal Relationships, 24 (2017), 933–952.