It is not often that you hear about positive outcomes from infidelity, particularly when it comes to the kids. But there is some evidence that not all of the effects of growing up with a cheating parent are hurtful. With a little shift in perspective, some kids are able to see and express what they gained along the way.

Do keep in mind that the ability to see the positive can take time. It is difficult for children or even adolescents to have the maturity to see any silver lining. Often it takes the physical and emotional distance that moving away from the family in young adulthood allows. Here are five good things that young adults have noted from their parents’ infidelity.

Learning How to Walk in Someone Else’s Shoes

Kids who are able to forgive their cheating parent often do so by working hard to understand where the parent was coming from. This could mean looking into the parent’s past to understand how they grew up, or learning more about their parent’s current situation outside the home, like at work, or with their extended family. 

Sibling Bonding

Often siblings will become closer sharing the experience of parent infidelity. Either because they rely on each other in the face of keeping the secret of infidelity. Or because, say, an older sibling wants to protect the younger ones from knowledge of the affair. 

Closer Friendships

Sometimes an adolescent will go outside of the family for support, and find close friendships that nurture and sustain them. These friendships become great sources of comfort and well-being, sometimes becoming the primary support system in their life, rather than the family.

Self-Esteem

One perhaps unexpected positive effect of parent infidelity is on a child’s self-esteem. Again, typically this is something that comes only in later adolescence or young adulthood. Young adults who grew up with parent infidelity do report that they value themselves more, particularly in the context of believing that they deserve more out of a relationship than their parents had. Which brings us to…

Hope

These young adults are often hopeful for their future and for their relationships, believing that they have learned from their parents’ mistakes and will be able to do better than their parents. 

While there is no question that living with parent infidelity is painful for kids, as with all difficult situations, there is always the possibility of learning and healing.